I Eat Music

If it’s new stuff you want, this week’s singles chart is not the place to come. Mostly, there’s just been some mild shuffling, with Taio Cruz still at the top and only one truly new entry (Daughtry’s ‘What About Now?’ at number 40). There have been a couple of sizeable leaps worth noting though. Deadmau5 jumps from 58 to 12 with his collaboration with Pendulum’s Rob Swire, ‘Ghosts N Stuff’, The Veronicas, are up an impressive 180 places, moving from 197 to 17, with ‘4Ever’, La Roux has gone from 58 to 27 with ‘I’m Not Your Toy’, and that Tinchy Stryder is up from 114 to 32 with ‘You’re Not Alone’. And that really is everything of note to say about the singles chart this week.

The album chart is far more exciting. There are new entries galore over there, including a brand new number one from Paramore, who get the always commendable job of knocking Madonna off the top. Flanking Madge at number three is Newton Faulkner, who is closely followed at four by Barbara Streisand, and then the fourth new entry in this week’s top ten, Ian Brown with ‘My Way’.

Continuing on, Paloma Faith is new at 14, followed by Basshunter at 16, Alice In Chains at 19 and Michael Bolton at 20. And yes, keen-eyed readers, Michael Bolton was a new entry last week, this is another one. ‘The Ultimate’ sits at number 20 this week, while last week’s number 19, ‘One World, One Love’, has slipped out of the top 40 and down to 45.

Right, enough Michael Bolton talk. Let’s talk about something more interesting. The next new entry down the list is the new record from The Nolans, ‘I’m In The Mood Again’, which is billed as “the ultimate night in”. I guess that assumes you don’t have access to a piece of string to play with, which I reckon would make a more fun night in than a collection of covers and new versions of old hits by The Nolans. Still, more interesting than Michael Bolton, I guess.

The final run of new albums in the chart are, Hockey’s collection of crimes against music, ‘Mind Chaos’ at 33, Lynyrd Skynyrd’s first album of new material in over six years, ‘God & Guns’, at 36, and Zero 7’s newie, ‘Yeah Ghost’, at 39.

Every Sunday, the charts are frantically scribbled onto the backs of Kit Kat wrappers and driven round to Radio 1 by The Official Charts Company.

This year’s MOBO Awards take place on Wednesday at the SECC Arena in Glasgow. Always a big draw for major artists from across multiple genres that grew out of black music and culture, this year’s nominees include Beyonce, Jay-Z, Kanye West, Eminem, Herbie Hancock, Dizzee Rascal, Keri Hilson, Amadou And Mariam, Baaba Maal, N-Dubz, Tim Westwood, and many more. Here are a few of CMU’s favourites from this year’s nominations.

01: Herbie Hancock – Rockit
Okay, let’s start with a classic. Herbie Hancock is up for the Best Jazz Act award. But here’s his 1983 single ‘Rockit’, a major early influence for turntablists like Mix Master Mike and DJ Qbert. Not jazz, but certainly an indicator of Hancock’s talent as an innovator in music.

02: N-Dubz – Better Not Waste My Time
I think this is CMU’s favourite N-Dubz track. We had a meeting about it. You can’t choose these things lightly. I don’t want you think we’re just picking these things out of the air. We’re also rooting for N-Dubz in the Best UK Act category.

03: Tinchy Stryder – Never Leave You (feat. Amelle)
Tinchy Stryder’s album ‘Catch 22′ is really a lot more enjoyable than you’d perhaps expect. Which is possibly how it got a nomination for Best Album. Here’s Tinch with Sugababe Amelle Berrabah being all catchy and that.

04: Chipmunk – Diamond Rings
This video features in the Best Video category, but maybe we shouldn’t mention that, as Beyonce’s ‘Single Ladies (Put A Ring On It)’ is also in there, and I’d quite like to get through this playlist without Kanye West butting in.

05: Bashy – Kidulthood To Adulthood
Nominated in both the Best UK Act and Best Album categories, Bashy may not have the high number of nominations that some on this list have managed, but he’s picked up the ones that really count, as he further establishes himself on the UK hip hop scene.

06: Eminem – We Made You
So, breaking from tradition, the first single from Eminem’s latest album announces that he is back and then insults a load of other celebrities. Oh, Eminem, I’m not saying you’re formulaic, but I’m feeling a little bit of deja vu here. Still, if it gets you nominated for Best International Act and Best Hip Hop Act, I guess it’s working.

07: Kanye West – Gold Digger
I’m in a dilemma here. I feel like I should make some sort of Kanye/Beyonce/interruption joke here. But I kind of already made one, and those jokes were tired two weeks ago. So, what should I do? Oh, I’ve run out of space.

08: Sean Paul – Press It Up
Up for the Best Reggae Act gong, Sean Paul recently released his fourth studio album, ‘Imperial Blaze’, from which this track is taken. It’s not his best work by a long shot, but it keeps things moving along nicely enough.

09: Nneka – Heartbeats
One of ten strong contenders for the Best African Act, Nneka is currently winning the award for my favourite track on this playlist. Released earlier this year, ‘Heartbeats’ is a fantastic piece of pop. It isn’t nominated for Best Song at the MOBOs, though. I may turn up with my own handmade award to make up for this.

10: Beyonce – Crazy In Love
Any awards ceremony needs to go out with a bang, so let’s finish our MOBO rundown with a live version of ‘Crazy In Love’. If it’s a showstopper you want, Beyonce is always your woman, which is one of the reasons she can be found in three MOBO categories.

And there you have it, a brief CMU guide to the 2009 MOBO Awards. Watch all these videos here:

And for more information on the MOBOs, check out www.mobo.com.

So, it’s new number ones all round this week. Kicking off with the singles chart, David Guetta scores his second number one this year with ‘Sexy Chick’, which features vocals by Akon and is up from last week’s number 21.

Also new in the top ten is Esmee Denters with ‘Outta Here’, while just outside at number 11, Just Jack jumps up from last week’s 134 with ‘The Day I Died’. Sean Paul is also a new entry at 25, with ‘So Fine’, Kasabian are at 30, up from 84, with ‘Where Did All The Love Go?’, Lady GaGa moves from 64 to 33 with ‘Lovegame’, ‘Sweet Disposition’ by the Temper Trap moves from 56 to 35, and Calvin Harris just slips back into the top 40, shifting two places up from 42, with ‘I’m Not Alone’.

As I’m sure you’re aware, there was a huge album chart battle this week, with Calvin Harris and Tinchy Stryder battling it out for the number one spot. It was, of course, a matter of pride for both parties, after Harris recently revealed that he’d unfollowed Stryder on Twitter (not because of their simultaneous record releases, just because he was a bit boring, I think). And it’s Harris who won, despite slightly unfair treatment from some corners of the media. Stryder comes in just behind at number two.

This, of course, means that ‘The Essential Michael Jackson’ is no longer at number one. In fact, it’s gone all the way down to number six. This breaks a seven week run at the top for the recently deceased singer, finally lowering him down into… no, wait, the rest of that sentence is in incredibly poor taste.

Moving swiftly on, there are a few other new entries down at the lower end of the chart. Vagabond go straight in at 27 with ‘You Don’t Know The Half Of It’, The XX are at 36 with ‘XX’, and Simian Mobile Disco are at 39 with ‘Temporary Pleasure’.

The cold, hard, unfriendly numbers that make up the charts are compiled by The Official Charts Company.

The Black Eyed Peas have bounced back up to number one in the singles chart this week, after being knocked off by that pesky Tinchy Stryder last week. His single, ‘Never Leave You’ leaves the top spot and heads down to number two.

There are two new entries in the top ten, with Calvin Harris’ ‘Ready For The Weekend’ at three and Peter Andre with ‘Behind Closed Doors’ at four. Because you don’t necessarily need talent to sell records, you just need to break up with Jordan. Little Boots also slips in there at ten, up from last week’s 14.

New in the bits of the top 40 that aren’t the top ten are Jeremih with ‘Birthday Sex’ at 17, David Guetta and Akon with ‘Sexy Girl’ at 21, and, breaking from the sex theme, Ian Brown with ‘Stellify’ at 31. Lilly Allen also takes a sidestep up to 37 from 44 with ‘22′. So many numbers. If you’re still following this, give yourself a lollipop.

Michael Jackson remains at number one in the album chart, with ‘The Essential Michael Jackson’. The recently deceased singer still has two other albums in the top 20 and seven in the top 50.

The only new entry in the top ten this week is the 20th anniversary re-issue of The Stone Roses’ eponymous debut. Other than that, there’s only one more new entry on the album chart this week, with The Temper Trap hobbling in at 32 doing their best Maroon 5 impression on their debut album, ‘Conditions’.

The chart is, like, um, I guess you’d say put together, or something. Yeah, like, they put it together. You know, so it’s all in order and that. Yeah? Anyway, The Official Charts Company, they do that. Put it in order.

We’ve got a new number one again this week, those Black Eyed Peas only having managed one week at the top. And it’s that Tinchy Stryder fella who’s knocked them off their perch.

Now, we all know what happened last time Tinchy was at number one. He reached that position with a single called ‘Number One’. And by doing so he threatened the universe, and reality as a whole, when ‘Number One’ was knocked off number one. With metaphysical disaster averted at the last minute only a few months ago, Tinch isn’t risking getting himself into a situation like that again. His latest single is called ‘Never Leave You’.

Oh no, hang on. What happens when ‘Never Leave You’, leaves the number one position? Tinchy, you fool! You’re risking all our lives with your reckless naming of your songs. Sorry, I’m so furious I’m not sure I can continue with this week’s chart update. No, it’s okay, I will.

Also new in the top ten this week is the Ian Carey Project with ‘Get Shaky’ at number ten. Other than that there are no new entries in the top 40. None. Not even one. How very boring. Let’s just go and look at the album chart instead. Maybe that’s more exciting.

Okay, Michael Jackson is still at number one with ‘The Essential Michael Jackson’. Florence & The Machine are still at number two with ‘Lungs’. The first new entry this week is Michael Jackson’s ‘Bad’, which arrives on the chart, dragging its heals, a full six week’s after Jacko’s death, when the likes of ‘Thriller’ and various best ofs have been living it up the whole time.

Next up is ‘The Best Of Chicane’, a collection of Chicane’s best tracks, apparently. Also new are Frankmusic at 13 with ‘ Complete Me’ and The Twang at 20 with ‘Jewellery Quarter’.

The charts, even the incredibly boring ones, are compiled by The Official Charts Company.