I Eat Music

Now, you know me, I’m not one for being cynical, but Lady GaGa was in the press a lot last week, talking about how she used to be a drug addict, how she loves being naked, how she used to be a stripper, and so on. And now her single, ‘Poker Face’, is at number one, despite it being awful. But I’m not saying those things are connected, after all, that single has been rising up the charts for weeks. It’s like the charts were in the olden days, when you could get to number one just with sheer persistence. And I guess Christina Aguilera not being around much at the moment helps, too.

Anyway, GaGa’s at number one, then Flo Rida holds fast at number two (don’t worry, I’m not about to suggest that Pete Burns suffering kidney failure has helped him, it’s just a very catchy tune), and the two Comic Relief singles, the Bryden/Jones’ cover of ‘Islands In The Stream’ and The Saturdays’ cover of ‘Just Can’t Get Enough’, drop to three and four respectively. Beyonce, meanwhile, breaks into the top ten, stopping at number nine with her new single ‘Halo’, despite it not being officially released as a single yet.

Outside the top 10, La Roux just misses out, hitting 11 with ‘In For The Kill’, as do the Pet Shop Boys, who make it to 14 with ‘Love Etc’. Another single not officially released for a few weeks yet, AR Rahman and The Pussycat Dolls’ collaboration for the ‘Slumdog Millionaire’ soundtrack, ‘Jai Ho! (You Are My Destiny)’, is at 20. Franz Ferdinand’s new single, ‘No You Girls’, rises from 52 to 27, though with it being featured on the new iPhone ad, I’d expect to see it go higher this Sunday (it’s certainly got itself stuck in my head). And rounding off this week’s new entries, Enrique Iglesias and Ciara stop at 30 with ‘Takin’ Back My Love’.

Over to the album chart now, and U2 have quite embarrassingly been knocked off the number one spot (and right down to number six) by Ronan Keating’s tribute album to his mother. An album coincidentally released the same week as Mothering Sunday. Mums don’t like U2, they like ballads. Everyone knows that. Which will be why Bette Midler has risen from number 21 to number nine this week, and Lionel Richie is another new entry at 10. CMU Weekly’s recent competition prize for the mums of readers, Barry Manilow’s ‘Greatest Songs Of The 80s’ faired less well, only making it to number 22 – though possibly because people were waiting to see if they’d won it before buying it, rather than the fact that Manilow’s 80s covers only serve to remind you that the originals were much better.

Probably not a new entry powered by mums is Pete(r) Doherty’s new solo album, ‘Grace/Wastelands’, which goes it at 17. You have to travel right down at the bottom of the chart for this week’s final new entry, ‘My One And Only Thrill’ by Melody Gardot at number 40, but before that there are some re-entries worth noting. Following an actually quite good edition of ‘The South Bank Show’ on Will Young, the singer’s latest album, ‘Let It Go’, is back in the chart at 30, Enrique Iglesias’ ‘Greatest Hits’ is boosted by his new single, making it to 36, and another possibly mum-fuelled purchase, Luther Vandross’ ‘Lovesongs’ compilation (originally released for Valentine’s Day) is back in at 38. In between the last two is Michael Jackson’s ‘King Of Pop’ compilation, proving that he might be able to sell out the O2 Dome 50 times over, but people are more interested in seeing a freakshow than listening to his music. Possibly.

The chart is written on Post-It Notes and stuck on the wall by The Official Charts Company

This article originally appeared in CMU Daily on 23 Mar 2009

What’s been happening in the charts, then? Well, Lily Allen is still at number one, Lady GaGa is still at number two, Kings Of Leon’s ‘Use Somebody’ has risen from 12 to three, following their performance of the song at the BRIT Awards last week, and The Prodigy have risen a few places to number four, bumping Alesha Dixon back down to five, and the Pussycat Dolls are up to number 10 from 15.

Another BRIT performer, U2, get a lukewarm vote for their shoddy new single ‘Get On Your Boots’, which enters the chart at number 12, while Lady GaGa gets ever closer to having two songs in the top ten, with ‘Poker Face’ climbing to 13, and Miley Cyrus rises from 44 to 16 with her new single, ‘Fly On The Wall’. Taylor Swift is a new entry at 22, Rudenko follows at 24, as does Gary Go at 25. On into the 30s and Honey Ryder enter at 31, and Take That’s new single ‘Up All Night’ continues it’s slow climb up the charts (while Gary Barlow prepares for a slow climb up Kilimanjaro for Comic Relief, assuming that back injury he sustained last week heals), moving from 59 to 37, which is better than it might seem, considering it’s not officially released until 2 Mar.

Over to the album chart now, and there have been some big moves there. While the BRITs did have some affect on the singles chart, it is far more pronounced when it comes to long-players. Best International Album ‘Only By The Night’ by Best International Group Kings Of Leon returns to number one, thanks to a 50% boost in sales last week. Since its release on September last year, this album has not been out of the top ten, which, whatever you think of the BRITs or the band, would seem to justify their awards.

Meanwhile, Best British Album ‘Rockferry’ by Best British Female and Breakthrough Artist Duffy also saw a massive sales boost, taking it from 19 to four. Despite what you think of the BRITs or Duffy, there is no justification for this.

Best British Group Elbow saw ‘The Seldom Seen Kid’ rise from 18 to five, while The Ting Ting’s album ‘We Started Nothing’ saw sales rise by 80%, taking it from 33 to number eight, despite them putting in an awful performance at the BRITs ceremony. The new best of album by winners of the Outstanding Contribution To Music awards The Pet Shop Boys entered the chart at 19.

But its not all about the BRITs. Morrissey, who was not nominated for anything, has been instead using the old go-on-everything technique to promote his new album, ‘Years Of Refusal’, which led to a bizarre appearance on The One Show on BBC 1. It clearly paid off, though, as the album has gone straight in at number three. The only other new entry this week is Empire Of The Sun’s fantastic debut album, which goes in at 21. There are a lot of re-entries further down the chart, though, with Miley Cyrus back in at 30, Kings Of Leon’s ‘Because Of The Times’ at 36, Girls Aloud’s ‘Out Of Control’ at 37, Adele’s ‘19′ at 38, and N-Dubz ‘Uncle B’ at 39.

The charts are apparently compiled by The Official Charts Company.

This article originally appeared in CMU Daily on 23 Feb 2009

Well, looky looky, Lily Allen has taken on the new pretender to the pop throne and won. Yep, Lady GaGa is old news now, sitting in the pitiful number two position in the singles chart. Lily’s ‘The Fear’, on the other hand, has made a triumphant leap from 168 to number one, following the single’s first full week on release – it was released digitally on Friday 23 Jan, which accounts for its early, if low, chart position last week.

Meanwhile, Alesha Dixon moves into the top ten, up to six from 13, and Jason Mraz just missed out, moving from 22 to 11. On the new entry front, the winner of Channel 4’s Orange Unsigned Act, Tommy Reilly makes a commendable entry into the chart at 14 with his first single, ‘Gimme A Call’, and there are some more notable jumps from outside the top 40 (although none as large as Lily’s), with Shontelle moving from 43 to 25 with ‘T-Shirt’, The Fray moving from 45 to 35 with ‘You Found Me’, The Pussycat Dolls hoisting themselves up to 36 from 110 with ‘Whatcha Think About That’ and The Airborne Toxic Event taking off from 183 and landing at 39 with ‘Sometime Around Midnight’.

And now, the album chart, where we have two new entries right at the very top. Franz Ferdinand go straight in at number two with their third album, ‘Tonight: Franz Ferdinand’, but they are kept off the top spot by old hand Bruce Springsteen, with his 472nd album, ‘Working On A Dream’. Last week’s number one, White Lies, slips to number eight in this week’s chart, as people opt to buy the Donnie Darko soundtrack instead. Possibly.

The rest of the album chart is dullness in extremis, except for a few notable movements. Alesha Dixon’s second solo album (no really, she’s done two), ‘The Alesha Show’ has reached its highest position to date, moving from 44 to 21. Rifles and Naturally 7 also make their debuts on the chart, landing at 27 and 29 respectively. And that is all.

The chart is compiled like a stealthy fox by The Official Chart Company. And even when it’s snowing.

This article originally appeared in CMU Daily on 2 Feb 2009