I Eat Music

Now, you know me, I’m not one for being cynical, but Lady GaGa was in the press a lot last week, talking about how she used to be a drug addict, how she loves being naked, how she used to be a stripper, and so on. And now her single, ‘Poker Face’, is at number one, despite it being awful. But I’m not saying those things are connected, after all, that single has been rising up the charts for weeks. It’s like the charts were in the olden days, when you could get to number one just with sheer persistence. And I guess Christina Aguilera not being around much at the moment helps, too.

Anyway, GaGa’s at number one, then Flo Rida holds fast at number two (don’t worry, I’m not about to suggest that Pete Burns suffering kidney failure has helped him, it’s just a very catchy tune), and the two Comic Relief singles, the Bryden/Jones’ cover of ‘Islands In The Stream’ and The Saturdays’ cover of ‘Just Can’t Get Enough’, drop to three and four respectively. Beyonce, meanwhile, breaks into the top ten, stopping at number nine with her new single ‘Halo’, despite it not being officially released as a single yet.

Outside the top 10, La Roux just misses out, hitting 11 with ‘In For The Kill’, as do the Pet Shop Boys, who make it to 14 with ‘Love Etc’. Another single not officially released for a few weeks yet, AR Rahman and The Pussycat Dolls’ collaboration for the ‘Slumdog Millionaire’ soundtrack, ‘Jai Ho! (You Are My Destiny)’, is at 20. Franz Ferdinand’s new single, ‘No You Girls’, rises from 52 to 27, though with it being featured on the new iPhone ad, I’d expect to see it go higher this Sunday (it’s certainly got itself stuck in my head). And rounding off this week’s new entries, Enrique Iglesias and Ciara stop at 30 with ‘Takin’ Back My Love’.

Over to the album chart now, and U2 have quite embarrassingly been knocked off the number one spot (and right down to number six) by Ronan Keating’s tribute album to his mother. An album coincidentally released the same week as Mothering Sunday. Mums don’t like U2, they like ballads. Everyone knows that. Which will be why Bette Midler has risen from number 21 to number nine this week, and Lionel Richie is another new entry at 10. CMU Weekly’s recent competition prize for the mums of readers, Barry Manilow’s ‘Greatest Songs Of The 80s’ faired less well, only making it to number 22 – though possibly because people were waiting to see if they’d won it before buying it, rather than the fact that Manilow’s 80s covers only serve to remind you that the originals were much better.

Probably not a new entry powered by mums is Pete(r) Doherty’s new solo album, ‘Grace/Wastelands’, which goes it at 17. You have to travel right down at the bottom of the chart for this week’s final new entry, ‘My One And Only Thrill’ by Melody Gardot at number 40, but before that there are some re-entries worth noting. Following an actually quite good edition of ‘The South Bank Show’ on Will Young, the singer’s latest album, ‘Let It Go’, is back in the chart at 30, Enrique Iglesias’ ‘Greatest Hits’ is boosted by his new single, making it to 36, and another possibly mum-fuelled purchase, Luther Vandross’ ‘Lovesongs’ compilation (originally released for Valentine’s Day) is back in at 38. In between the last two is Michael Jackson’s ‘King Of Pop’ compilation, proving that he might be able to sell out the O2 Dome 50 times over, but people are more interested in seeing a freakshow than listening to his music. Possibly.

The chart is written on Post-It Notes and stuck on the wall by The Official Charts Company

This article originally appeared in CMU Daily on 23 Mar 2009

You know how it is, you wait a couple of years for a Comic Relief single and then two come along at once. And it’s lucky, too, because while The Saturdays’ Depeche Mode cover failed to reach number one last week, Rob Bryden and Ruth Jones’ cover of The Bee Gees’ ‘Islands In The Stream’ has cracked it – with a little help from Tom Jones and Robin Gibb. It seems actually starring in a popular TV show, rather than having two former members of a spin-off of another band who had a popular TV series, is the way to go. If only because it’s easier to type. The Saturdays are still at number three, though, so it’s not perhaps as gloomy as I may have made out.

In other new entries on the singles chart news, Oasis are at number ten with ‘Falling Down’ and September is at 14 with ‘Can’t Get Over’, while Katy Perry rises from 42 to 27 with ‘Thinking Of You’, Leona Lewis is back in the top 40 with her cover of Snow Patrol’s ‘Run’ at 32, Metro Station step up from 54 to 37 with ‘Shake It’ and Annie Lennox brings yet another cover into this week’s top 40, with her version of Ash’s ‘Shining Light’ moving from 50 to 39.

Over in the album chart, U2 remain at number one, even though the single ‘Get On Your Boots’ has now crashed out of the charts. Meanwhile, things are a bit new entry-tastic below with, with Annie Lennox in at two, Kelly Clarkson at three, Taylor Swift at five, Faryl at six, Michael Ball at 11, The Dubliners at 16, The Everly Brothers at 23, Starsailor at 26 and Lee Mead at 39.

The charts are compiled by the Official Charts Company

This article originally appeared in CMU Daily on 16 Mar 2009