I Eat Music

Now, you know me, I’m not one for being cynical, but Lady GaGa was in the press a lot last week, talking about how she used to be a drug addict, how she loves being naked, how she used to be a stripper, and so on. And now her single, ‘Poker Face’, is at number one, despite it being awful. But I’m not saying those things are connected, after all, that single has been rising up the charts for weeks. It’s like the charts were in the olden days, when you could get to number one just with sheer persistence. And I guess Christina Aguilera not being around much at the moment helps, too.

Anyway, GaGa’s at number one, then Flo Rida holds fast at number two (don’t worry, I’m not about to suggest that Pete Burns suffering kidney failure has helped him, it’s just a very catchy tune), and the two Comic Relief singles, the Bryden/Jones’ cover of ‘Islands In The Stream’ and The Saturdays’ cover of ‘Just Can’t Get Enough’, drop to three and four respectively. Beyonce, meanwhile, breaks into the top ten, stopping at number nine with her new single ‘Halo’, despite it not being officially released as a single yet.

Outside the top 10, La Roux just misses out, hitting 11 with ‘In For The Kill’, as do the Pet Shop Boys, who make it to 14 with ‘Love Etc’. Another single not officially released for a few weeks yet, AR Rahman and The Pussycat Dolls’ collaboration for the ‘Slumdog Millionaire’ soundtrack, ‘Jai Ho! (You Are My Destiny)’, is at 20. Franz Ferdinand’s new single, ‘No You Girls’, rises from 52 to 27, though with it being featured on the new iPhone ad, I’d expect to see it go higher this Sunday (it’s certainly got itself stuck in my head). And rounding off this week’s new entries, Enrique Iglesias and Ciara stop at 30 with ‘Takin’ Back My Love’.

Over to the album chart now, and U2 have quite embarrassingly been knocked off the number one spot (and right down to number six) by Ronan Keating’s tribute album to his mother. An album coincidentally released the same week as Mothering Sunday. Mums don’t like U2, they like ballads. Everyone knows that. Which will be why Bette Midler has risen from number 21 to number nine this week, and Lionel Richie is another new entry at 10. CMU Weekly’s recent competition prize for the mums of readers, Barry Manilow’s ‘Greatest Songs Of The 80s’ faired less well, only making it to number 22 – though possibly because people were waiting to see if they’d won it before buying it, rather than the fact that Manilow’s 80s covers only serve to remind you that the originals were much better.

Probably not a new entry powered by mums is Pete(r) Doherty’s new solo album, ‘Grace/Wastelands’, which goes it at 17. You have to travel right down at the bottom of the chart for this week’s final new entry, ‘My One And Only Thrill’ by Melody Gardot at number 40, but before that there are some re-entries worth noting. Following an actually quite good edition of ‘The South Bank Show’ on Will Young, the singer’s latest album, ‘Let It Go’, is back in the chart at 30, Enrique Iglesias’ ‘Greatest Hits’ is boosted by his new single, making it to 36, and another possibly mum-fuelled purchase, Luther Vandross’ ‘Lovesongs’ compilation (originally released for Valentine’s Day) is back in at 38. In between the last two is Michael Jackson’s ‘King Of Pop’ compilation, proving that he might be able to sell out the O2 Dome 50 times over, but people are more interested in seeing a freakshow than listening to his music. Possibly.

The chart is written on Post-It Notes and stuck on the wall by The Official Charts Company

This article originally appeared in CMU Daily on 23 Mar 2009

So, Lily Allen is still number one in the singles chart, but has she made it the double? Has her second album gone straight in at the top of the album chart? Well, you’ll just have to read on to find out.

With Lily sticking fast in the singles top 10, there’s little movement from anyone else, either. After eight weeks on the chart, Alesha Dixon has crept up to number three, and Shontelle has crept into the top 10, at number 10, after five weeks on the chart with ‘T-shirt’. Meanwhile, doing no creeping whatsoever, The Prodigy have shot straight in at number eight with ‘Omen’.

Other new entries to the singles chart have not reached such heights, however. Morrissey managed to get to just 21 with his new single, ‘I’m Throwing My Arms Around Paris’, despite (or perhaps because of) the promise of a semi-nude shot of him and his band on the single’s artwork. TI and Justin Timberlake enter at 30, the re-release of M.I.A’s ‘Paper Planes’ makes it to 33, still a way off the previous release’s peak of 19, while The Fray enter at 37, and The Killers bring up the rear at 40.

Over to the album chart now and, yes, Lily Allen’s second album has gone straight to the top, bumping the ever-present Kings Of Leon back down to number two. There’s been a bit of a spike for albums with a romantic theme. Can’t think why that would be. UB40’s ‘Love Songs’ jumps from 19 to three, Luther Vandross’s ‘Lovesongs’ is up from 27 to four (so UB40 clearly win the battle of how the words “love” and “songs” should be put together), Bette Midler’s ‘The Best Of Bette’ is up from 32 to six (although, after 19 weeks on the chart, it’s not specifically a Valentine’s release), and Pavarotti’s ‘The Duets’ moves from 15 to 10. Not an event-specific release, but valid nonetheless, The Fray have a new entry at eight, with their album, ‘The Fray’.

Outside the top 10, AR Rahman’s soundtrack for ‘Slumdog Millionaire’ is a new entry at 30, The Airbourne Toxic Event make it to 35, while Robert Plant and Alison Krauss’s ‘Raising Sand’ benefits from the pair’s five Grammy win, re-entering at 38.

The charts are compiled with gay abandon by The Official Chart Company

This article originally appeared in CMU Daily on 16 Feb 2009

Okay, so here we go again with another update of the movements in the UK charts. Are you ready? Well tough, I’m doing it anyway. Lily Allen is still sitting atop the single chart, waving a big stick at Lady GaGa, who stays at number two. There are two new entries in the top ten this week, courtesy of Eminem and Daniel Merriweather.

Over in the album chart, Bruce Springsteen holds firm at number one, but his sparring partners last week, Franz Ferdinand, drop from number two all the way to number 21, which, if you weren’t sure, is a pretty hefty drop. Meanwhile, Kings Of Leon take their place below The Boss and Fleet Foxes rise from 23 to number three, The View go straight in at number four with their new album ‘Which Bitch?’, and Elbow’s ‘The Seldom Seen Kid’ rises from 17 to six.

Just outside the top ten, dead people are starting to congregate, with Buddy Holly’s best of entering the chart at 13 (presumably helped by all the coverage of the anniversary of his death) and Luciano Pavarotti’s ‘The Duets’ coming in at 15, while Luther Vandross’s ‘Lovesongs’ is another newie at 27. Not everyone’s dead, though. UB40 and James Taylor also have new entries in the album chart this week, at 19 and 23 respectively. Oh, and Coldplay’s ‘Viva La Vida’ is a re-entry at 38, and despite our best efforts, they’re not dead yet.

The charts are compiled and then kept a secret by The Official Charts Company.

This article originally appeared in CMU Daily on 9 Feb 2009